Saturday, October 13, 2007

In Memory

Noa Joelle 7/10/2003
~rest, Jehova is God

Chaim Hillel 3/20/2007
~life, praise God

Itiel Dzoe 5/28/2007
~God is with Me, life

October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and although I'm not usually one for "awareness" issues, this is one I really feel is worth bringing up.

The most important thing I think I have to say on the subject is that when a woman miscarries a pregnacy it is easy to think of it in very detached terms. Phrases such as "the miscarriage", "barley pregnant", "the embryo"and "most women wouldn't have known they were pregnant" only serve to mask what really happened. The death of a child. Yes, that child wasn't fully formed. Yes, there was no way to know gender. True, it is most likely that there was something fundamentally wrong that kept the baby from surviving. But it was still a life lost. Treating it as simply a heavy and painful period does no one any favors. Either life begins at conception or it doesn't. And we either value that life or we don't. And in my mind the case is extremely clear cut- life begins at conception and I love my children dearly, no matter how long they live.

Which is why we have named the children that we lost. Most people will never know the names besides our family, and not even all of them. But I think it is important all the same. It acknowledges the life, which I believe honors God. And it gives us a way to talk about our children in a more personal way than "1st miscarriage...2nd misscarriage...." and so forth. We will see these children again. And for that we rest for we know that Jehova is God. We Praise God for the life which was created, and we know that our children are with God-that it was He who gave them life. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.


At October 20, 2007 9:26 AM, Blogger Carrie said...

I had no idea that you have lost 3 babies. I am so sorry.

At October 20, 2007 9:55 AM, Blogger Tiffany said...

Thank you. It was a tough spring.

At October 26, 2007 8:15 PM, Blogger Leigh Ann said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hope you are doing okay.

At November 21, 2007 10:18 AM, Anonymous Jenna said...

*hugs* I definitely know what you mean. I just about lost it when a nurse told another staffer that I had "lost the pregnancy". Maybe it is easier for them to think of babies that way, but each child is far more than that to their parents.

May God bless you with comfort and peace. *hugs*

At November 26, 2007 8:37 PM, Blogger Tiffany said...

Thanks Leigh Ann and Jenna.

Jenna, I think for people in the medical profession, you are probably right. I'm sure it would be tough to deal with so much of the rawness of life on such a regular basis and one would have to detach at least some to be able to continue at ones job.

I'm so glad that I had heard of parents naming their children that they lost early. It has been very healing for me and so good to be able to talk about the child that we lost, not miscarriage #X. ya, know? That is probably at least some of my motivation of this post, to encourage other parents that it is ok to truly grieve the loss of their child- you don't have to pretend like nothing happened.

At March 26, 2008 7:32 PM, Blogger Tiffany Renee Phillips said...

Hi. I'm new to blogging but yesterday I had an unexpected day off and the Lord helped me grieve the loss of my little one. I was only 7-8 wks when it happened. It's been about a year and a half but I still greive. I wanted to say thankyou for your post on this, I was actually looking for a random blog post that i made so deep in my grief that I didnt keep track of it and cant remember any keywords to find it but reading your post and accessing the rememberance link helped me greive so very much, despite it being lost somewhere in cyberspace. At least I know my little one is in the Fathers loving hands.
We also named our unknown little one. I'll eventually be able to blog on this myself sometime. For now, for more than one reason, I was wondering if I could post your blog on my sidebar under enjoyable blogs. I'm very new to the blogging and I'm not much sure of the blogging ediqite. I am so very, very, sorry for your tremendous loss. Sincerely, a sister in Christ, Mrs. Tiffany Phillips

At March 26, 2008 11:40 PM, Blogger Tiffany said...

I'm very touched that this post was helpful for you. Thank you for your kind words. When I wrote this post it had been many months since we had lost Itiel and was getting easier to talk about. we however just lost another baby in february and that is still rather raw and I have yet to feel up to blogging about it, or for blogging at all for that matter. But my body is healing and the rest of me slowly along with it.

I think it surprised me how intense all of it has been (losing all 4 children). I guess before I was ever pregnant for the first time I don't think I would have ever understood how utterly in love you are with your baby from the moment you know they are there. I probably would have thought that an early miscarriage wouldn't have been too hard. But they really are. For me more so since giving birth. Sometimes it is quite good to have people to talk to or read from that have been where you are at.

I'd be quite honored to be on your blogroll. I can't make my way over there tonight, but look forward to checking out your blog soon.

Many Thanks.

At March 26, 2008 11:43 PM, Blogger Tiffany said...

ps- took a quick look at your profile. I graduated high school at Lewis-Clark (class of 99). Still have family in spokane actually. Small world.


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